The responses come from 2 Christian websites and 1 Hindu website

1) Corbin says: I have some problems with this concept. Some say that all living beings are reincarnated, but I don't see how a cockroach can perfect itself to be a better cockroach to advance to a higher stage in life. And just thinking in terms of human beings, I don't see how one can become perfect, no matter how many life-times you live because there will always be lessons to learn. Besides if this process were true, I would feel the world should be getting better and better over such a long period of time.

2) Frank says: Maybe the cockroach can come back to a higher form because I'm sure I've met a few in my time.

3) Mary Anne says: Hebrews states that man is given once to die, otherwise Jesus would have had to suffer many times for us to put away our sin.

4) Carlos says: I believe in reincarnation. I believe that when we were created we were created out of Deity and somehow we lost our way, but as we relearn more and more of our lessons we will become more and more of a Deity until that time when we learn all of our lessons which will cause us to become a pure Deity again. And you can't do this in one life-time. It will take many life-times.

5) Will says: I agree with Chris, but I go even further. Before the time of the current chaos, death was not. Spirit could change from form to form at will, that it might come to understand all things, and actions in the universe. After chaos began, death became the new reality required to become aware of the totality of the Cosmic illusion which is now petrified. Before chaos the Cosmic illusion was fluid and spirits flowed through it like a river. I personally have no recollection of being an animal, but I do have a recollection of living as a tree.

6) Mat says: I believe in reincarnation too because more and more psychologist are finding evidence of its existence, usually through hypnosis.

7) Tom says: I don't believe in reincarnation for a number of reasons. These are as follows, that in reincarnation. 1) Evil doesn't really exist. 2) Whatever happens in life should be accepted as being good. 3) There is no moral standard for right and wrong. 4) It generates no social compassion. 5) Over such a long period of historic time, the world should be improving. 6) No explanation as to where evil really came from. 7) Then Jesus must have been reincarnated too. 8) Sins cannot be forgiven. And 9) you have to work for your Salvation, whereas in Christianity Salvation is a free gift.

2nd Internet Question: IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION, DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH, AND IF SO, HOW DO YOU ENVISION IT?

1) Eddy says: The Resurrection. This is what we are promised.

2) Mathew says: The difference between the resurrection and reincarnation is very little, if not at all.

3) Otto says: First, death is the separation of the soul from the body. While the body sleeps, the soul is given a foretaste of what is likely (but not certain) to be its eternal state; this is often called the "intermediate state". At the resurrection, the soul and body (in its spiritual state) are reunited for the judgement which determines one's eternity.

4) Sally. Says: I think that heaven and hell are here on earth. It is all a state of mind and how people look at you. For example, when you die, it depends on how people see you and think about you, and they will never forget that image, and this is eternity. And I also believe in a heaven and a hell, where every event will be judged as being good or bad, which will also determine how we live in eternity.

5) Mat says: Yes. No idea.

6) Brad says: I can hope for a life after death, particularly one that might let me make some amends for sad decisions made in this life. However, I have no reason to expect it. Under the circumstances, envisioning it would be fruitless speculation.

7) Corbin says: I don't believe in reincarnation, but I know there is life after death, and even though I enjoy this life very much, and do not really know the specifics of the after-life, I know it's going to be better than the present life.

8) Michael says: I think it's impossible to conceive of - clearly it won't be an existence in the same way as we know it now, as it will exist in the spiritual parallel rather than in a bodily sense. But I have some sympathy with what Bran said - is there really any point in thinking about it, when there is so much life to live now? It can give us hope, but I think there is a genuine danger of becoming so other-worldly, that we forget about being Christians today.

3rd Internet Question: DO YOU BELIEVE IN A HELL IN THE AFTER-LIFE, AND IF SO, HOW DO YOU ENVISION THIS? OR DO YOU BELIEVE THIS HELL IS HERE ON EARTH WHILE WE LIVE?

1) Shirley says: Neither. Hell is not a place of torment. It is simply the common grave of all mankind. No one is conscious of being in hell. It is a place of darkness, silence, and total inactivity. (Ecclesiastes 9:5,10, and Psalm 146:4)

2) Ralph says: The Old Testament shows little, if any, knowledge of the type of hell populated by mainstream Christian religions. It seems to me that hell - along with the concept of a devil and the after-life - was an idea evolved over time, probably greatly influenced by the Hellenistic concept of the underworld. I don't see the Hebrew scriptures dealing with this concept much at all.

3) Saul says: Hell is the effects of believing in and consequently experiencing oneself as separate from God.

4) Jack says: Lowest common denominator is hell. It is a place where God is not, so I don't want to be there. God is light and love, so Hell will have none of either. Can you imagine how life would be in total darkness and total hatred.. Not a place I wanna experience whether there is fire or not. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to make that decision.

5) Alice says: I've often wondered if hell is here on earth. The only thing I'm reasonably certain of, is that Hell is separation from God.

6) Mary Jane says: Hell is other people. Separation from God? How can that be possible? How can there be anywhere or anyone or anything that is not sustained by God's will? In my mind it's a logical impossibility. So what am I left with? A reality that is chosen to be experienced in such a way by the belief systems of other people, and by myself. These collective belief systems can create nightmares out of waking reality: The Holocaust, apartheid, sexual slavery in the far east and eastern Europe, starvation, and AIDS in Africa. Hell is a here-and -now kind of thing that lives in our hearts when we fear and despair.

7) Edward says: Hell is nothing more than the grave and oblivion. There's no Biblical evidence for a fire hell. And I also don't believe in an eternal hell.

4th Internet Question: HAVE YOU EVER HAD A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE? AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THOSE BOOKS ON NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES AND OTHER PARAPSYCHOLOGICAL BOOKS ON THE EVIDENCE OF AN AFTER-LIFE?

1) Corbin says: I had one when I was in primary school. I was hit by a car while crossing the street and was knocked unconscious. After that, I remember floating bodily above my mother in the dining room while she was cleaning the room. For many years I just thought that this was a dream, but after reading a number of books on near-death experiences, I believe that this was mine, and this helped me in being convinced that there was life after death.

2) Jim says: I would be careful with this stuff, because most of these books are into the paranormal, and that's when I believe some of the lines get crossed.

3) Mat says: I question near-death experiences. I haven't found any Biblical references for them. I saw a show once that explained them away as something the brain makes up as it thinks it's dying in order to calm itself. Pilots who go into training to handle g-force would also pass out and experience the exact same thing that people with near-death experiences would experience. I do believe in near-life experiences however.

4) Ralph says: I believe in near-death experiences. I was once dead in 1987, and my life hasn't been the same since. I believe God gives the ones that have had the so called NDE's, their experience so that some of us will know that their is life after death. My only question I have 15 or so years after my experience is, "Can there be life before death?". It is written that man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that comes out of the mouth of God.

5th Internet Question: DO YOU FEEL YOUR PET WILL BE WITH YOU IN THE AFTER-LIFE, OR WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR PET WHEN HE OR SHE DIES?

1) Jim says: This is based on the assumption that we will be in heaven. Basic Christian doctrine asserts that when we go to Heaven, we will be reunited with our loved ones. Since for many "our loved ones" include our pets, then our pets would indeed be in Heaven. This, therefore, clearly indicates that the pets, and all animals for that matter, possess a soul/spirit.

6th Internet Question: DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A JUDGEMENT IN THE AFTER-LIFE AS TO WHO HAS THE GOOD AFTER-LIFE OR THE BAD AFTER-LIFE? HOW DO YOU FEEL THE JUDGEMENT IS REALLY MADE?

 What about babies or small children, cruel dictators, suicides, suicide bombers where the people involved feel they have good intentions, the mentally sick or handicapped who commit violence, those adults who grew up as unwanted children who commit crimes as a result, and those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, but have really made some bad choices that have harmed many people because of their intolerance and segregation attitudes.

3 people stated that they believe in reincarnation so that there would be no judgement involved in that each individual would be in charge of improving themselves, no matter how many lives it takes, until they reach the state of perfection that God expects them to reach. In this case, I feel they don't really need Jesus Christ for Salvation.

1) Steven says: Jesus says that not everyone that says Lord, Lord, shall enter the Kingdom. (Matt 7:21) I think one must first realize that not all who claim to be Christian are.

2) Corbin says: And the opposite might also be true. Those who we feel might not be Christians, or profess not to be Christians, might very well be the people God wants in heaven.

3) JB says: I believe there will be a judgement of all the people once they die, determined by who's found in the Book of Life. (Rev 20:12-15) Those who are found unworthy to be with God will experience their second death.

4) Will says: I believe that if there is a judgement, God will be fair about it, and I will trust in His judgement..

5) Corbin says: I believe that there will be some sort of judgement after death, and I agree with Will, in that God will certainly be fair about it.

THE AFTER-LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHAT THE AFTER-LIFE WOULD BE LIKE, BUT I BELIEVE IT WILL HAVE FANTASTIC SURPRISES FOR MANY, AND BE A GLORIOUS HAVEN FOR THOSE WHO GOD FAVOR.

When does talking about the loss of someone get to be too much? Is it still grief or is it descending into depression?

Talking and writing about grief for me has been a catharsis, a way to heal my thoughts, emotions and fears. It is a slow, sometimes excruciating process. Not linear, and sometimes unexpected.

At times there seems to be a fine line that can be crossed. I met a woman who had been widowed after six years of marriage. Nine years later, she still does not sleep in the bedroom she shared with her husband, nor can she bring herself to open a birthday gift she found after he passed away. She feels stuck in place but sees no way out.

We all have to be gentle and considerate of ourselves or others who are traveling through grief. But I have seen in my own grieving, that sometimes we run the risk of being stuck in place. I met another widow who spoke incessantly about her husband. She refused to even consider the idea of going through his clothes or personal items, even after five years. She was adamant she would never date again, even though she also admitted her marriage had not been a happy one. Again, it is all about our personal choices. Our lives have formed how we handle stressful situations and circumstances.

The way we handle our grief and emotional outcomes is of course a personal choice, but I feel that some people allow their grief process to make them bitter. I know sometimes I’ve fallen into this myself. I consider it a trap to allow the hurts in my life to weigh me down. Well on my way to healing, I refuse to be consumed by anger and regret.

Grief is never easy or quick. It can be hard, painful and unpredictable. If we stay rooted emotionally in the same place over many years, we’re doing ourselves an injustice. Why not answer the door when opportunity for growth knocks?

There were many days in my grief process where I felt at a really low point, and sometimes, in my mind, I made my marriage out to be something more than what it was. I had a good marriage, but like any other relationship, it had its problems, too. After twenty years, not everything is rosy, and yet many times in the early days I viewed my marriage through rose-colored glasses. I glorified the good times and glossed over the days I wanted to pull my hair out with frustration. My husband and I were two people who had grown through the years. I learned for my own benefit I had to remain honest about my memories. Nothing is perfect. No one deserves or wants to be on a pedestal. By staying grounded in reality, I decided I would not be stuck in place. I firmly believe this thought process made my grief journey a little easier. I also knew my husband would never want me to stay perpetually unhappy. I have grown enough to know I deserve a full life once again, in whatever way I manifest. But I choose happiness over living in a past that cannot be changed.

 I recall a period in time, at about 18 months after my husband passed away, that I felt pretty good about myself. I had handled what life had thrown me and come out battered, but mostly okay on the other side. After caretaking my husband for almost a year, I was battling some minor health problems of my own, related mostly to stress, but most days I was certain my life was on track. Steady and focused, my three boys were also adjusting and it seemed we all had a grip on reality.

On this day, I was on my way to an appointment with my holistic doctor when the radio began playing a song I had never heard before. The singer’s words stirred something inside me. The song spoke of loving someone through the years, and even with that person gone, the threads of memory remained.

The words reverberated through me, and I experienced almost a kind of shock as their meaning sank in. Out of nowhere, I began to cry so hard I had to pull off the road. I had no control over the rush of anguished emotion. All my hard won calm fled, chopped off at the knees as I hugged the steering wheel of my car.

I cried as if a great well had opened inside and pulled my guts out. When I finally began to calm and the tears subsided, I had to wonder where this emotional outburst had come from. How could a song open a wound of such profound loss?

I arrived at my doctor’s office, and as usual with holistic doctors, they not only want to know about you physically, but they dig deeper into the emotional aspects of your life. I hesitated only briefly before telling him what had occurred on the way to his office. I felt embarrassed by my earlier semi-breakdown. I tried to explain that I’d been feeling good, and then to suddenly have this upheaval had thrown me for a loop.

He explained it was to be expected there would be days where emotion could still catch me by surprise. With the loss still relatively fresh in my life, how could I expect to be 100%? I admitted to him that I’d been feeling excruciatingly lonely, but I thought I was handling it. Some days my idea of “handling” it meant ignoring or burying my feelings. Always a very private person, I hadn’t shared much of my thoughts with anyone. When friends asked how I was doing, I would usually say I was okay. Inside, I kept thinking, who wants to hear that I just want to get through another day?

I felt much better after speaking with him. Not only was he a sympathetic ear, it felt good to open up and share my worries about being alone, my concern for the kids’ welfare and fears that I wasn’t handling my finances to my best advantage.

We talked extensively about the triggers that stirred my own private misery. Something as straightforward as a song, or as complex as past memories, seemed to have the power to entrench me in great emotion. He made me realize there would be times I merely needed to cry as part of grief’s healing process. There was nothing complicated about it. Each time we are brave enough to reach down and allow our true emotions out, it brings a little more healing into our lives. As time passes, and we remain true to ourselves, a new sense of empowerment emerges.

When a relationship ends due to one partner dying, what is the correct time period to begin dating again? Grief is such a funny, unpredictable animal. Many people in years’ past think a year is a suitable time to wait before incorporating life changes, and yet for many of us, a year into our loss – we’re barely getting started on our grief journey. My experience has been that people and perhaps society as a whole, do not allow enough time or thought to the actual grief process. There is no quick fix or “getting over it” and moving on. We all move through grief in our own ways and means. There is nothing by formula that we can follow or hope to happen. Talking with others who have experienced a similar loss is definitely a plus.

Some days the road is more difficult than others days. At times, you feel enveloped in a mist of uncertainty. Even small decisions can sometimes stretch past your point of coping. Personal decisions are just that, personal. What is suitable for anyone must be decided individually. Sometimes you have to let go of preconceived notions of the correct way to act and grieve.

I began dating too early, about a year after my husband passed away. I was incredibly lonely and in a real oxymoron, I was determined to be happy again, at any cost to myself. So, I started dating through online sites and I kept attracting the wrong type of man. Takers, emotionally unavailable, surface daters, serial daters, men who mirrored my own uncertainty about my readiness to date again.

None of these connections turned out to be anything substantial. In a fog of grief, I yearned to find someone to love, and yet I knew these men were wrong for me. They were just a short ride on a ferry to nowhere special. It was brought home to me gradually, through my dating experiences, that I had to value myself more than what I was doing. I couldn’t settle with a partner just to have someone in my life. I deserved more. My dates deserved more than someone still traveling through grief. In those early days, I was as unavailable as the men I dated. If I had realized this, perhaps I would have run fast in the opposite direction, but in two instances I hung on to a flagging relationship, hoping things would change. Of course they did not.

Gradually, I came to realize that I had to stop setting myself up for disappointment in relationships. How could I attract the right partner, unless I was equally ready for a commitment?

I made the decision to bring my standards up to a new level and part of this process involved not dating for over a year. Only then did I start meeting the quality of man that my higher consciousness demanded. I was no longer wasting my time, or theirs, in surface dating, where both of us knows after one date there is no chemistry or real interest.

We all deserve better for ourselves than settling in a relationship just to alleviate the loneliness. It is difficult being alone when you are used to so much more, but I have chosen to remain so until the right partner comes along. It’s a personal decision, and for me, there is no other choice.

Motivational stories are all around us. Some are well known because they’ve captured the attention of television, film directors or writers. However, there are many we’ll never hear about because people overcome and rise beyond their limitations all over the world and their experiences are not covered by the media.

I’ve run across several stories of heroism and living beyond limits lately. Maybe it is because of the holiday season as people tend to reflect on the past year, their own lives and what the future can be.

As I viewed these amazing stories I began to wonder; once again, why these stories move us so much. Just about everyone in life has some obstacle to overcome whether it’s physical, mental or emotional. Our individual journeys are filled with experiences that cause us to learn, grow and cultivate ourselves along the way. Of course, that doesn’t mean we do grow because we have the option to turn away from and ignore these lessons if we choose to. But, what is it that moves us when we watch other people’s stories of success and overcoming adversity? After viewing yet another “human interest” story about a man who has only stubs for arms and legs and yet lives an amazing life; the question that came to me was, “Are we really doing our best?” People who don’t have the physical limitations others do manage to find ways to not give their all to life. We find excuses, allow our fears and let our old habits prevent us from living the full life we say we want.

The amazing stories we see and read about touch us because they strike a chord of the human spirit to live and excel no matter what. These people are driven to follow their dreams, keep themselves on track and don’t give up. They are not afraid to fail or receive support from others.

I believe this is the reason we have such a strong reaction to those far less fortunate than we are yet who’ve managed to live wonderful lives full of love, activity and without regret. When asked what he wanted most, the man in the story I was watching simply said, “I have a heart, a mind and a soul. I have everything I need”. We have all been given the gift of a heart, a mind and a soul. Are we doing the most we can with them or do we let doubt, fear and confusion get in the way? The stories of those who have overcome, sustained a wonderful life and have a deep sense of fulfillment are living testament to the power we have all been given. We have the opportunity every minute of every day to not only live the life we truly desire but to share it with others. We don’t have to wait for some event to jar us into this awareness. Look around you, your life is waiting. What will you do with the heart, mind and soul you already have?

This is an very interesting and inspirational story, This story changed the millions of peoples in the era of the great Gandhi and still has the same effect, This is an story of a The Gandhi and the Lady's Coin"

Mahatma Gandhi went from every city and village for uniting peoples and collecting funds. During one of his tours he addressed a meeting in Orissa( Part of India). After his speech a poor old woman got up. She was bent with age, her hair was gray and her clothes were in tatters. The volunteers tried to stop her, but she fought her way to the place where "Gandhi" was sitting. "I must meet him," she insisted and going up to Gandhi then from the folds of her sari she brought out a copper coin and placed it at his feet.

Gandhi picked up the copper coin and put it beside carefully. Fund Manager said "I keep cheques worth thousands of rupees and what to do with a copper coin." in reply Gandhi said, "We have to keep this coin because this copper coin is worth much more than those thousands, If a man has several millions and he gives away a thousand or two, it doesn't mean much. But this coin was perhaps all that the poor woman possessed. She gave me all she had. That was very generous of her. What a great sacrifice she made. That is why I value this copper coin more than a millions of rupees. she has not scarified the copper coin for me but for the freedom and welfare of this nation and along with the coin she gave us a lesson of genuine generosity & commitment to the nation" Gandhi said," She remind me and all of us the 3 deeds these are

1. in crucial things, unity

2. in important things, diversity

3 . in all things, generosity

Gandhi is a person who changed the peoples, but he never hesitated to change and learn form other peoples too. This real historic story taught me one thing, "In life you will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called LIFE where you will have opportunity to learn lessons, you may like it or think them irrelevant and stupid." The lesson of generosity, That's why this story changes the people; What about you?

You love each other but can’t manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that…you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?

How come we can’t express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.

How to stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this happens. We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition…We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society. But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn’t last. There isn’t enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.

If this doesn’t work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing “sick”, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she’s angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.

When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don’t even have to ask for it, we don’t need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We “fall” in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more color, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grinchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else’s energy, and human energy is limited! 

And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say… but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself. So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen. At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : “Danger! Lack of energy!”) and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.

We can do this by playing the victim (“Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!”). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.

These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.

This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved ones most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him. What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It’s the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.

How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.

Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you’re in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.

The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!

Loving another human being is giving him energy! See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?

Just about everyone has experienced rejection. They say it is our biggest fear. I suppose much of that comes from our instincts in childhood since a child experiences rejection as life threatening. Nature programs us to avoid rejection, so that as kids we don't die of starvation!

However, we may tend to carry this instinct (avoid rejection at all costs) over into our adult life in a way that does not help us create healthy relationships.

Lets have a looks at what 'rejection' means to an adult. Imagine I have tried to contact someone who did not respond in the way I hoped - or, who did not respond at all. When that happens I may feel 'rejected'. But, what is that all about?

After all I don't know what is going on with the other person. How they are behaving may have nothing it all to do with me. (It might, but I'll come back to that later - see What if it is My Fault?).

I could tell myself various things about this 'rejection' depending on how I feel at that particular moment - especially if it is the third time it has happened this week. I might start to feel really bad about myself. However, there is another way I can handle it. There is a way in which even an apparent rejection can help build my self-esteem rather than damage it. It is all down to what I tell myself about the event.

The part in quotes is my initial response and the part that follows is how I explain it to myself.

'They don't like me.' - but they don't even know me. Best just to move on.

'They don't like what I said/wrote/did.' - fair enough. Not everyone is going to like my style. I will learn what I can, but I will also move on.

'They have lost faith in relationships at that moment' - maybe, if so not much I can do about that. Best just to move on.

'They are too busy' - not much I can do about that either. Best just to move on.

'They are a stuck-up' - but I don't even know them. I don't know what they might be going through. Best not to be down on them, just to move on.

'I did not really like them anyway' - maybe, maybe not. I don't know them. Best just to move on.

'I am a terrible person. Nobody like me' - nah! Not everyone likes me, but some folks do. Best just to move on.

'I don't know' - I don't know what is going on with that person. I probably never will. Best just to move on.

'Nothing' - that's right. It may have nothing at all to do with me. Best just to move on.

You'll notice in the above there is a discussion going on. One part (in quotes) expresses my gut reaction; the other part interprets the event and helps bring it to some kind of resolution.

Seeming rejection from other people is really only a problem if I have rejected myself. If I feel pained by a situation it is best that I listen to the part of me that feels the hurt and hear what is has to say. I can then think about what happened and explain it to myself. If I reject the hurt, then I am really rejecting myself, and that causes a lot more pain than anything.

What hurts is not what other people say or do, but what we tell ourselves about it.

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How Many of Me are there?

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It may seem strange idea at first that one part of use needs to explain things to another part of us. Yet, it works. It works really powerfully too. Sometimes I need to do it a number of times, but often I find this approach of getting into a discussion with myself creates a shift in mood, or attitude, really fast.

It this still seems strange to you, consider the alternatives. We can ignore how we feel and pretend it didn't happen. We can go into hiding till we feel ready to contact other people again. Those are not useful alternatives, are they?

Also, we can lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that we did not really want anything to do with that person anyway. We can medicate our feelings through; drugs, alcohol, watching TV, being busy, obsessive behavior, and so on. Of course, lots of people do that. But, it does not really work. We want to do what works. Don't we?

If we don't deal with an issue and handle the pain, like grown ups, we end up having to hide or run away. That just causes us a lot more pain in the long run.

Having a good internal conversation is far better, far healthier and a lot more fun, than the alternatives. There is nothing to be gained by repressing our feelings and moods, or by letting them spill out in harmful ways. It's best just to have a 'conversation' with them.

I have had some hilarious (and very enlightening) conversations with myself while alone driving along in my car. I have found out things myself that I never even knew and in the process cleared up some long standing personal issues - and even some health problems!

In fact a good sign that you have got a handle on dialoging with yourself is when you find yourself being surprised by what comes up. There is a wonderful, beautiful authentic person in there. Why not get to know you? Not just the bit that society made, but the bit that God made. Most of us have only traveled a short way into tapping into our real potential.

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What if it is My Fault?

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The whole point of all this is: we can only have a healthy relationship with other people if we have a healthy relationship with ourselves. We can't abandon ourselves and expect everyone else to welcome us.

If I have such a low opinion of myself that I don't pay constructive and healthy attention to myself when I am hurt by something why should anyone else? If I don't give serious attention to what I really enjoy in life, then who will?

If I keep looking to someone else to fill the gap (and only expect life to get better that way) then I have rejected and abandoned part of myself. If I abandoned part of myself then what I get is a gnawing feeling of abandonment and isolation.

There is a difference between feeling lonely and just being on my own. When I feel lonely it feels like nobody is there. When I am on my own (but not lonely) at least I am present - and paying positive attention.

How does it feel to have someone avoid you all the time? It feels horrible. And, that is how I feel when I avoid myself. That is how any person, who avoids themselves, ends up feeling. Self-avoidance is what causes much of the 'social medication' we see around us (drugs, alcohol, obsessions, addictions, etc). If you want to get over an addiction try being genuinely kind to yourself for a while. Love is always the greatest healer.

The most attractive type of person is a person who has a life. Doing the things we love to do is part of what makes us interesting to others. It is also the best way to meet people.

There is no point postponing leading the most enjoyable life we can till the 'right' person comes along. When it gets down to it, we are the person who can do the most to make us happy. Besides, isn't being on the road to happiness a good place to meet the right person?

"Healing With Laughter in Self Development"

Everyone likes to laugh but why we do not do more of it is something we are all guilty of . Laughing is a very complex thing although on the surface one could dismiss laughter as something we do when we are happy but there is more to that. Different people use laughter to cope with different circumstances. Take when we are afraid we can use laughter as a coping mechanism laughing help us cope with what ever we might be afraid of be it our own emotions it still helps. Laugher can easily help hide embarrassment. I remember falling before my peers first and the only thing I could think of to hide my embarrassment was to laugh it off. In times of intense anger we can find ourselves oddly enough laughing it is a coping mechanism to handle such intense anger. Then the most common in times of happiness we find it appropriate to laugh.

Laughing can be used for its healing power. Laughter coupled with its counterpart humor is renowned for lowering stress as well as a coping mechanism in terms of troubled times .

Laughing at ourselves at times will help us come to terms that trivial bleeps in our lives are insignificant.

Laughter lowers the blood pressure and people who generally laugh more tend to have lower blood pressure as well as stress levels. Laughter elevates the mood and when the mood is generally, lighter people are more positive and teamwork is that bit easier which makes the collective strength is improved be it in a family circle or at work.

When we laugh our bodies release natural killer cells, which are responsible for fighting infection hence we stand a better change of, defending ourselves .The boost to our immune system is brilliant. If we are not feeling well then the increase in killer cells will help fight infection and help cut down on recovery times it encourages more oxygen in the blood so briefly it aids healing.

Laughter can be a great work out . Have you ever laughed hard you will realize it uses some crucial abdominal muscles . Not only does it help the outside muscles it helps with digestion and absorption hence you get the most out of all the nutrients in the food you eat.

Laughter stimulates the brain into being able to acquire new information that bit better hence will more laughing then you get not only reduction in stress but better brain activity which make us better people in the long run. The benefits of laughing are phenomenal so next time you rent a movie get a comedy who know it will help get rid of that ailment.

Part of reaching beyond your limitations to your success is asking yourself questions that will help you identify your limitations, so that you can reach beyond. Some of us are not aware of what we are even saying to ourselves. What are you saying?! Your self talk can limit you, empower you or elevate you. It is your choice. You can develop another self-talk language; one that empowers or elevates you, one that replaces the voice of limitations. Often times, those of us that have “arrived” or have achieved tremendous success in our lives are not aware of the limiting voice that is hindering us or slowing our pace to help us get to that next level. Your next level could be that you are an executive but realize you need to spend more time with your family. It could be that you want to pursue a new career. It could be that you want to enhance your relationship with God. Whatever the case, What Are You Saying?! Inevitably, what you are saying to yourself, starts with what you are thinking. However, do you listen to what I call your self- talk conversation?

Do you call yourself stupid when you make a mistake? Are you constantly giving other people accolades but not allowing yourself to receive any? Do you tell yourself that it is too hard even before you start? Do you tell yourself that the way you are treating people is fine (even though many people are saying it is negative), because they don’t understand? Do you tell yourself why the continuous negative interaction you are receiving in your relationship is justified? What Are You Saying?! Here are a few points that will help you with your self- talk conversation.

1. First understand that self-talk is not about saying what “feels” good to you. There is no healing, or growth in this type of conversation. The self-talk that you want to develop is open, honest, truthful, and empowering.
2. Pay attention to what you are receiving. (What you listen to, watch, read. Who you associate with.)
3. Is it or are they enhancing you, healing you, or empowering you?
4. Now pay attention to what you are saying to yourself when you are in negative situations; positive situations, compromising situations; situations 
   
   
   that have you backed in a corner. What is the difference with your self-talk conversation? (Your self-talk in your negative or compromising situations reveals what you really think and feel about yourself)
5. Speak something positive into your spirit each day (preferably before you start your day).
6. If you have a problem telling yourself positive things, start with just one each morning. Eventually build your list up to ten.
7. We all deserve good things and an honest, successful life. Discover why you deserve one, and how you can achieve success in an honest and positive way. Then develop a self-talk conversation to encourage yourself every step of the way.
8. Be honest with yourself, and allow yourself to also recognize your weaknesses. (Healing helps you to reach beyond your limitations). Allow yourself to recognize one thing that you do that is wrong. Acknowledge it, decide what you are going to do to rectify it, and then develop a positive self-talk language or conversation to help you stop doing it. (Don’t get stuck in this negative place-it's not healthy).
9. Recognize that your self-talk should not continuously or frequently include conversation that is derogatory towards others (so that you can elevate yourself). That is not healthy for you and eventually for the people around you.
10. Finally (I repeat) your self-talk language or conversation should be open, honest, truthful, and empowering.

At first developing or redefining your self-talk may be painful or seem ridiculous, but over time you will reap tremendous rewards in the way you perceive yourself, your relationships, your career, your life!

My assumption here is that you are reading this because you already understand the importance of your attitude. You also understand that there is a difference between choosing to have a positive attitude and the difficulty to maintaining a positive attitude.

Your body requires proper care and feeding to achieve and maintain good health. You simply cannot eat one nutritious meal, take one vitamin, and have one really great exercise day to be healthy. This applies to your attitude as well.

Developing and maintaining a positive, healthy, and productive attitude begins with making the choice to change your attitude. The decision to have a great attitude is the starting point and that decision is a daily decision, even a moment by moment decision. With all that life throws our way each day, just the decision alone can be tough. Here are some tips on how to properly care for and feed your attitude.

1. Be thankful. You and I both have circumstances in life that take a toll on us everyday. Most of the time we let negative circumstances get the best of us and our positive mental attitude takes a beating. Take a moment, several if necessary, and reflect on what you have to be thankful for. If you are having trouble getting started let me suggest you go to a mirror, get real close to it, and breathe on it. If a fog appears on the mirror you're in good shape...you are alive.

Next, think about other things for which you are thankful, even the simplest things such as your family, your job, the very fact that you are able to read this. Each of these are true blessings and for every blessing you can think of there is someone who does not have such a blessing. There have been innumerable studies investigating the link between good health and a thankful attitude. In a story that aired on the CBS Radio Network's The Osgood File, Dr. Michael McCullough, of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and Dr. Robert Emmons, of the University of California at Davis, said their initial scientific study indicates that gratitude plays a significant role in a person's sense of well-being. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

2. Have faith. Research has shown that 97% of the things that people worry about never come to pass. The remaining 3% are things that are mostly beyond our control, so there is nothing we can do about them anyway. A small portion of that 3% are the direct or indirect results of the decisions we make so learning to make better decisions is the key to avoiding the worries that we can control. Have faith in yourself and the decisions you make regarding the things you can control.

Have faith in the One who created you and know that He is looking out for you. Have faith that good things are in store for you and focus your attention to the good rather than the bad. Life is made up of opposites. Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Faith has an opposite called fear. Both work equally well. When you allow fear to dominate your thinking you literally bring negativity into your life. Bad things happen, even though you do not desire them, because you are operating from a fearful expectation. Faith, on the other hand, brings positive things into your life.

There is not enough room hear to fully explore the deeper meaning of the effects of faith and fear. Let me summarize the concept of faith in this manner, expect good things and good things will happen. Develop an attitude of faith.

3. Guard your mind. Look at the influences in your life. Decide which of these should be eliminated or at least minimized. According to the A.C. Nielsen Company, the average American watches over 4 hours of television each day. That comes up to over 9 years by the time you are 65 years old! Most of what is available to watch on television has very little positive value. Do the TV shows you watch leave you feeling empowered or deflated? If what you watch, listen to, and read bring you down instead of lift you up you need to stop allowing those things into your mind. Like it or not, they have a profound negative influence on your attitude. The same is true with the people in your life.